All the time we need
by Ibara
Summary: When hope comes from the hands of the enemy, Ran is reluctant to believe in it. And should he? Set after the death of Takatori Reiji. AU
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** Sadly, I own neither Weiss Kreuz nor its characters.

**Warning:** shonen ai (m/m), violence

**Chapter 1**

I woke up and for a while just stared at the ceiling. There was no pleasant feeling, no anticipation. For every day was the same, unchanging. Wrapped in the darkness.

I went down and poured myself a cup of tea. Omi greeted me with that smile of his. Too bright, too cheerful. Well, everyone had problems. I sure didn't have energy to try to solve his. Nor I wanted to get attached.

We opened the shop and I managed not to yell at anybody during my shift. Not even when the schoolgirls rushed in and tried to get my attention. Tried to touch me. I remembered that it had used to irritate me. They were too naïve, too happy. They reminded me of what I had lost

I looked up and saw my mirror reflection. All what was left of me disappeared when I had killed Takatori. All my anger just…burned out when nothing changed. When she hadn't woken up.

There was a knock at the door.

"Aya-kun?"

"Yes?" I answered.

"Manx is here."

"On my way." I turned the water off. A new mission, then. It didn't really matter. Less time to think.

* * *

I looked into a hall wondering what the hell so many people were doing there. It was late in the night and according our information the small factory should have been empty with the exception of the guards. It seemed that either the demand for drugs had dramatically increased lately, or they had heard someone was going after them and wanted to make more money before closing the shop.

They were mostly scientist so they didn't know how to fight. I went through them and Ken followed me, leaving a bloody path behind us while Yoji and Omi took care for the remaining guards.

When we finished I turned around and caught Yoji staring at the dead scientists with a haunted look.

I had to wonder why he felt pity for them. They had to know what they were doing. It didn't matter if they were armed or not.

_/ Because he's a bleeding heart. Care to find out how he would bleed in real/_

I froze. The others had to notice my sudden stiffness because they looked at me.

"Schwarz," I had almost forgotten that there were still some people who I would wring a neck with pleasure.

I heard a laugh and looked to the door. They stood in our way out. Schuldig and Farfarello entered first. The German was smirking at me, wearing his usual green jacket and a gaudy bandanna, while the madman stared at the bodies. I couldn't see any knives. Yet.

Naoe and Crawford followed them and I spend a while pondering on why Crawford didn't walked in first.

"Nice mess," purred Schuldig. "I heard them screaming all the way out."

"Shut up," snapped Yoji, hand on his watch.

Farfarello looked up at these words with a hungry expression. His attention focused on Ken, who was staring at him back. He slowly took out two knives from his vest.

"Unfortunately, they were meant for Farf. And he does not take kindly when his toys are broken before he can even get to them."

"What a pity," retorted Ken.

For a moment nobody moved. Then Farfarello leaped forward and Ken met him in a half way. I saw Omi to throw a dart which was stopped in the air and then I lunged at Crawford. I didn't think I would be able to kill him, with that strange power he had, but it would improve my day nicely, if I managed to nail him. Or at least hit him.

_/ Ah, woke up from your zombie mood, didn't you/_

_/ Shut up. /_ I barely managed to dodge a blow to my jaw. Why did Schuldig annoy me when he was fighting with Yoji?

_/ Bother__ Yoji/_ I thought and for a while I heard Schuldig's laugh. A real one, without mockery. The surprise slowed me down and Crawford punched me.

"Damn him," I cursed, even though I didn't know if I meant Schuldig or Crawford who was smugly waiting for me to catch a breath again.

_/ You know, Farf is not the only one, who likes a little bit of fun. I could almost swear, that Crawford enjoyed that punch. /_

"Shut up," I snarled.

"Shouldn't you pay more attention to me?" asked Crawford.

I just sneered at him, founding the whole situation utterly unreal.

His next punch was much harder and sent me through the room. I tried to get up while Crawford calmly walked towards me. My head swam. Oh God, how I would like to wipe that conceited expression off his face.

I shakily got up and prepared to a fighting position. Crawford merely raised an eyebrow, waiting for my attack. I calmed down and tried to cast out every thought except the feeling of the sword in my hand. My muscles tensed in anticipation.

_/ By the way, I visited your sister today. /_

My breath got caught in the middle of my throat and my head snapped in his direction. I saw him smirk and then ran in a flash through the door and disappeared.

I acted without thinking, launched after him, not caring about Crawford at all. Maybe I managed to surprise him because I get through and then I heard him clashed with Yoji.

I ran out of the room and sought for the Schwarz bastard.

_/ Pshaw. /_

A flash of orange and a movement in the door at the end of a corridor. Even though I knew that it wasn't the best idea I couldn't care less and rushed after him. I ran into a small dark room and heard the door closed after me, cutting the last of the light. Swirling around I attacked blindly after the sound, trying to split him in a half. But my sword did not meet any resistance.

_/ She's not just an empty shell, you know. /_

For the first moment I didn't understand what he meant. As I realized who he was speaking about, I stiffened. He was answering to my nightmare but I didn't understand why. Probably he just lied to tell me the truth afterwards.

_/ Nein, I was there. In her mind. /_

"Why?" I choked out, my own voice strained.

_/ Why not? I'm a curious person. Or did you ask about why I told you that? Maybe because the truth is even better. /_

I clenched fingers around the sword, waiting for the slightest sound to attack. My mind was picturing him beheaded or with a sliced gut. I heard his mental snort.

_/ She's alone in the dark where no one can reach her. And she's slowly going mad. Sometimes she just forgets, who she is and simply exists, staring to the emptiness without any coherent thought. It's just a matter of time before she becomes a lunatic or vanishes completely. /_

I closed my eyes, feeling the slight tremors running my frame. It's not true, it's not true. He's a liar. Don't listen to him, kill him…

"Better to kill her than this."

I opened my eyes and attacked. The sudden light flooded the room as he turned the light on but it didn't slow me down. I felt how my sword slid on his coat and then he was behind me, gripping my wrist and throwing me against the wall he had leaned before. He was so close that I could feel the warm of his body and my elbow flung backwards without thinking. He grunted as it connected with his abdomen but didn't release his grip.

_/ Where no one can reach her but I. /_

I stopped struggling, my heart pounding, waiting for him to make his point. For a while we just stood there, immobile. Then he lowered his head, I could feel his hair falling around my face. His breath was hot and damp against my skin when he whispered:

"Tell me, how does it feel? To try to kill the only one, who can wake her up?"

He released me and moved to the door. I was so stunned that I didn't try to stop him

* * *

We arrived to Koneko No Sume half an hour later. Obviously, Schwarz had left the factory shortly or at the same time as Schuldig had finished with me. The way back had been tense but nobody said anything until we were inside. Omi made for the first aid because Ken had got a long scratch from Farfarello and right now was too tired to care.

"Ok, what the hell happened there?" exploded Yoji.

I lifted my eyes and gave him a disinterested look. He was standing in the middle of den, both hands clenched in fists, glaring at me. One side of his jaw was starting to colour. Apparently, his fight with Crawford didn't go well.

"What the hell did Schuldig tell you, that you went after him like that?"

…_where no one can reach her but I…_

"You are supposed to fight Crawford, you are both close-ranged."

…_how does it feel? To try to kill the only one, who can wake her up…_

"Not anymore," I answered.

"Not anymore what?" Yoji asked, confused. Omi returned to the room. I could feel their eyes on me.

"You won't fight Schuldig anymore. I will."

"But… Aya-kun…"

"You've got to be kidding me…"

I ignored them and turned to leave. If Schuldig had said the truth, then it should be me, who would crush that last hope that still remained.

The door burst open and I looked up to see agitated Manx. Her eyes found me, fingers clenched the railing.

"Aya," she told me, "your sister's been kidnapped."

* * *

The afternoon light was slowly creeping into my room. I was sitting on my bed, arms embracing knees, and trying to figure out what to do next. I hadn't slept last night. All was in a blur, my argument with Manx, run to the hospital and futile searching. Now I was too tired to do anything. And probably there was nothing I could do right now because _they_ had her. I should have done more when I had met them yesterday. There had to be a way how to defeat them. Had to be.

There was a knock at the door but I didn't brother to answer it. I wasn't interested in talking with anyone.

"Aya, I know you are there."

Ah, great. It was Kudou. The last person I wanted to see right now.

"I'm going in." The handle moved and I realized, that I had not locked the door. I was really out of my mind.

He came in, moving hesitantly, his green eyes full of pity were fixed at my face. It made me sick. He stopped before my bed, looking uncertain as if he didn't know what to say.

"How are you feeling?"

I scowled at him. Look, Kudou - a counselor.

"I know it has to be hard for you right know, but…"

"Mind your own business, will you?" I snarled at him, feeling exhausted and without any desire to be patient. A little talk with Kudou wouldn't solve anything. "I don't need your pity or anything else. I'll deal with it alone."

"But you don't have to," he failed to become irritated, staring at me with a sympathy. "You're not alone. We'll help you."

"And how exactly do you want to help me? Schwarz has her and if you've noticed, we aren't really a match for them."

"Kritiker is. We'll find a way…"

"Kritiker wasn't able to protect her," I said through clenched teeth. Just hearing the name made me angry again. Kritiker was responsible for Aya-chan. They had promised me to keep her safe, to take care for her. And they failed. Kudou was maybe stupid enough not to see that but I wasn't. "So why should I believe they would be able to save her? You are being ridiculous."

"Well, and what do you want to do, then?" he asked me with a little annoyance. "Just sit here and sulk?"

"That's nothing of your business. Weren't you going to get drunk again? Please, don't let me or my trouble stand in your way."

He looked at me, stunned. "Aya…," he began.

"Get out," My voice became cold, emotionless. "I don't want you here. Just get out."

He left without any other word.

An hour later Omi crept in, carrying a tray with food but thankfully didn't say anything. Ken came around, looking at me with interest. He didn't try to actually enter my room, just remained in the door and remarked:

"You should eat that food. If Schwarz really has her, you'll need all strength you have. For whatever will come."

He left with that statement but it was the first thing which made sense today, so I obeyed him. Schwarz surely had taken Aya-chan with some purpose. Probably to manipulate me and maybe even Weiss. So they would call me and tell me their demands. I waited and tried not to fall asleep as daylight slowly disappeared.

The last thing I remembered was Kudou trying to get into his room later in the night, muttering something as he moved in unsteady feet.

But no call had ever come.

* * *

_I apologize for mistakes…ehm, a non-native speaker here. Feel free to point out mistakes, e-mail me or leave me a review. Thank you. _


	2. Chapter 2

_Thank you for reviews__. You encourage me to continue with the story so this chapter is for you. Happy holidays!_

* * *

**Chapter 2**

I could see his lean form came up from the shadows. He was wearing his usual jacket but his hair was free, dancing in a cold wind like flames. His pose resembled the posture of a wild creature, dangerous and fast. But his face was the face of devil. He didn't look at me as if I didn't exist but moved to the entrance of a tunnel, strangely graceful in his movements.

I followed him, almost like hypnotized, almost like if I didn't have any other choice. The darkness devoured me.

Hours passed away as I fumbled towards. A numb creature feeling for his way. Finally I saw a vague light before me and heard a strange sound. I didn't have time to pay attention to it because I reached the entrance.

The cave was small and damp with a beam of light bursting in through a gap near the roof. Schuldig was bended over a sleeping figure on a stone altar. He was whispering something, I wasn't able to understand what.

Then he raised his voice, ordering the figure to wake up. As I suddenly realized, who he was speaking to, a wave of joy engulfed me, making impossible to think about anything else than that he was waking her up.

A shiver ran her slight frame and after a while I heard her voice, quiet, hoarse and unsure, to speak up. I wanted to move to her but I couldn't, the happiness and disbelief swirling wildly inside me.

A shriek of a boot on stone. A flash of blades. The white demon moved to her and Schuldig stepped back. In the yellow eye was the hungry look which I knew so well.

Aya's soft inquiries changed to a scream. She called me, screaming my name, but I couldn't move. _I couldn't move_.

I woke up with a start, my heart beating rapidly. I was alone in a small room behind the shop where I was supposed to write a list of deliveries for tomorrow. Through a small window I could see a street lighted up by the late afternoon sun. I had to sleep at least for three hours.

I thought that it was just dream, that it wasn't real. But I couldn't shake it of. It had been a week since Aya-chan disappeared and I stopped to wait for Schwarz's demands. Instead of it, I began to fear every day, dreading to hear about her death. I couldn't imagine, what they would want Aya-chan for, if not for controlling me. The possibility, that they decided to kill her just to satisfy their whims, was getting more and more real. I wasn't able to sleep without hearing her calling my name.

I stood up and only then noticed a blanket which covered me. I caught it before it fell on the floor. Someone had to enter the room without waking me up. I shouldn't be surprised by it. Sleepless nights left me completely exhausted and irritated. Omi tried to avoid me, not speaking to me at all, even though I had the feeling, that he just trying to give me some space and that he would change his behaviour if he found it necessary. Ken maintained the same attitude he had from the first time we had learned about the kidnap: something between an interest and logical observation. Maybe he understood me best, knowing that I couldn't stomach his concern right now. And Kudou… After our talk we tried to ignore each other. He was going out every night when there wasn't a mission and sometimes even after it. At first I didn't care at all but then it started to annoy me and I barely managed to keep biting comments under a disinterested façade. I wasn't interested in his help, but he could at least arrive to work on time. We just rubbed each other up the wrong way as usual. Except…

Except that the blanked bore his scent. A cigarette smoke mixed with his cologne. And on the desk lay the completed list of deliveries.

I didn't like it. It was out of order.

"Aya-kun?"

I sighed. So Omi knew I'd been sleeping or he would come inside instead of calling me.

"Yes?"

"We're closing the shop for today."

"Hm." For a while I was wondering if I should take the blanked with me or just ignore the whole thing. At the end I grabbed it.

Kudou was standing behind the counter counting the money we had earned today. I went straight to him, giving him the blanked back. He took it without any word looking nonchalantly as usual, but his eyes were guarded. For the first time I noticed dark rings under them.

"You should take a break. I'll finish this with Omi," I stated unexpectedly. Originally, I wanted to leave without any word, but his appearance threw me off balance. And maybe that I was little in his debt…maybe.

He stared at me in disbelieve, completely stunned. Then he silently nodded and took off his apron. The whole way to the door he threw unsure looks over his shoulder as if he anticipated an attack or something.

I turned around and caught Omi gazing at me measuringly. I scowled at him and hurried him to work.

Outside began to rain.

* * *

I was standing at the window watching the rain and sipping my tea. Yoji wasn't the only one, who was tired. Omi didn't look much better. He was usually exhausted like this when we had a hard mission and he needed to stay up far into the nights to work on in. But we hadn't received any difficult missions since Aya-chan had been kidnapped, partly due to my refusal to participate in them. So… he was probably trying to find out some information on his own. And the constant tension among us and between me and Kritiker didn't help either.

I wasn't a social person but knowing my teammates was the necessity. I was used to observe them even though I always tried to keep my distance.

I heard a muffled burst of laugher. Yoji had convinced Omi and Ken to watch some comedy. He tried to persuade me too, but I refused and retreated into my room. The idea that I would entertain myself while Aya-chan was suffering was unacceptable. But I began to feel restless. Maybe a walk would calm me down a little.

I grabbed my coat and keys. As I descended the stairs I could hear the television:

"Oh, what are we doing risking our lives for a runaway princess? I know we need the money…"

"Listen. We're not just doing this for money… We're doing it for a shit load of money!"

I shook my head and headed to the back door. As I closed it I heard: "Uh-huh, not if we jam it."

The cold rain helped to steady me. The world was gray and deserted. It suited my mood. I walked through empty streets without any destination, letting my mind go free. The fragments of my past emerged before my eyes.

Turn to the left…my sister's smiling face. A big puddle before me…home in ruins. Light of a lonely car… hollowness. A cold wind…first blood on my hands. Drops of rain rolling down my cheek…an empty bed. A girl running before rain…Sakura…

I came to a halt. Sakura used to visit me everyday I was in the shop, trying to chat with me, but in the last three or four days she hadn't come. She proved to be very persistent and stubborn in that habit so it would be strange for her to suddenly change her mind. Of course, she might have realized that nothing was going to happen or just became obsessed with someone else…

With a sight I headed back. Probably I was just being paranoid.

Upon a time I arrived home I was dripping water so a hot shower sounded good. It would be also pointless to interrupt their fun just because of this and I needed to change anyway.

After a shower I tried to read a book but without success. Finally I could hear them climbing the stairs.

I put the book away and went to meet them, but with my hand on the knob, I hesitated. Suddenly it felt stupid to tell them this. I could imagine Yoji's reaction. And they were…giggling.

"What?" shouted Omi. "You went over my helmet?"

"I see that your Schwarzt is as big as mine," snickered Yohji.

What the hell?!

"Shut up," told Ken but it was good-natured.

"Good night," chuckled Omi.

"Good night, Yogurt," answered Yoji and closed his door.

Ken and Omi also went to their rooms and before long everything was silent.

I stood still pondering upon the new absurdity my life turned on. And in the middle of the process I realized that Yoji didn't go out this night.

* * *

We were sitting around the table, having a lunch together. Sunday was the only day we usually managed it. I was eating automatically without taste. I didn't sleep enough and was in a really bad mood. The others tried to ignore it with a long-term practice.

"Sakura didn't come to the shop in the last few days," I said abruptly.

They looked at me, curious. Then Yoji smiled. Great.

"Why, Aya," he said, "do you miss her already?" His voice had that sugar-sweet tone which made my teeth grind.

"No, but it's unusual."

They blinked at me in surprise.

"Aya-kun…" began Omi.

"Don't tell me that you was so all beside yourself of it you didn't hear her," said Ken bluntly. "She told you she was going away on holiday. I couldn't hear where. And she asked you to write her. You hm-ed her."

Really? I didn't remember that, but I couldn't think about anything else than my sister at that time and was used to Sakura's babbling… Still, it gave me creeps.

Yoji smirked, opened his mouth…and closed it again due to Omi's kick. Good for him, I wasn't in the mood to tolerate his silliness.

"Hm," I told and stood up. I had enough.

* * *

I was standing in front of a fresh grave, empty-handed. Without any flowers because this gesture was meant for living people, to make them feel better. It had no significance for the body, which lay inside.

Botan had lost as much as I but he still fought, still had believed in what he had been doing. And he lay down his life for me.

So, what was I supposed to do now?

"You can always start making paper planes," said the voice behind me caustically.

I swirled around, attacking him almost at the same time. Schuldig dodged and then there was a gun pointed at me. We came to a halt. I was looking at the gun, contemplating to attack him anyway.

"Go on," he said. "Make his death as meaningless as was his life. This is so appropriate place for that."

I slowly lifted my eyes from the gun to his face. He raised an eyebrow mockingly, eyes hard and cold almost the same way they had been in my dream. He was wearing a violet bandanna which clashed with his hair horribly.

"Says Mr. Orange Sweater," he sneered.

"Where is my sister?" I asked, fighting with myself to stand still.

"So now you even dream about me?" he said mockingly, ignoring my words. "What was the dream about?"

I refused to give him the answer thinking about anything else. After a while he shrugged and tilted his head to side, glancing at the grave. I was itching to assault him but he focused his attention at me again immediately.

"You even won't try to defend him? How disappointing."

"Where is my sister, you bastard." I didn't realize I was moving until I heard the click of safety catch. I froze.

"You two had a lot of things common," he said calmly, lips curled in a cruel angle, "shared the same streak of sacrifice."

"Bullshit," I snarled.

"Is it? He'd lost hope a long time ago. Simply existing without a real belief in regaining what he'd lost but also without the courage to acknowledge it. After all, it was far easier to stay in that dream than try to find a new purpose in life. He could always hide by the conception of a noble quest, killing villains and sacrificing his life for someone he'd known so shortly. He gave you something, which had lost its meaning for him a long time ago."

He seemed to be amused by this idea. I didn't believe a word of this trash.

"Ah, but you should. After all, I knew him better then you did," he teased. "Yet, there is still one question I have to wonder upon – if he'd ever had a real chance, would he destroy it like you want to?"

I tensed.

"It should be me, who would crush that last hope that still remained. Doesn't it sound familiar?"

Pain paralyzed my whole body and I dropped down to my knees. Through a blurry vision

I could see his boots right before me. As the pain lessened a little, I realized that I had lunged at him. I didn't hear a gunshot so this had to be some kind of telepathic attack.

"You want to kill your sister. Not directly, of course, but the way which would cost her much more than a quick death by your sword. You'll let her rot alive. And for what?"

"You won't wake her up," I chocked out. "You're just playing your sick games."

"For what?" he asked again.

"For killing you," I gritted. "Because such beast as you should have never existed."

He laughed. I hated the very sound of it.

"You take that conception of knight hunters too literally. C'mon, don't tell me, that you are so fucking naïve to really try to save the world. Maybe you get lucky and manage to kill me. What would that change? Behind me stand thousands of other beasts and some of them are even darker than I."

I kneeled before him, hating him and myself for that paralysis which prevented me from killing him. For my weakness, for the fact that I wasn't even able to lift my hand.

"Hate is good," he said after a while. "It'll help you to survive through things you would never do otherwise."

The boots disappeared from my line of vision and I heard his steps heading to the exit of the graveyard.

"See you soon, knight hunter."

* * *

When I came back they immediately noticed that something had happen. I didn't reply to any of their question, lost in my own thoughts. But then I felt a hand on my shoulder, a light supporting touch and looked up. Green eyes were full with worry and his hand radiated warm. I shook it off.

When I later realized for what Schwarz wanted my sister and when Sakura shot at me, I clung to that hate.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

An impact followed by freezing water. Fall to the darkness. Need to breathe in.

I opened my eyes and saw the rays of light in the water. A large stone fell not so far away from me, made its way through the water like some bizarre comet, leaving behind the track of lighter boisterous water. I could see several similar "comets" in the distance.

Lungs burning with a need for oxygen, I headed to the surface. I was there just for a few seconds, gasping and trying to orient myself, when a body fell near me. I couldn't see him clearly, but there was only one person with such hair.

My first impulse was to stay here just in case he needed to hold his head under the water a little longer, but then, when he sank further and didn't fight with his fall at all, I went down for him.

I didn't know why.

Grasping him by his hair I pulled him out to the surface. He was a slack weight but after what seemed like an eternity, I managed to hold him and began to swim to the shore. It was a long way.

When I finally reached it, I was trembling with exhaustion. I drag Schuldig away from the sea, not caring if I scrape his skin off on rough sand.

He made an uncomprehensible sound as I grabbed his hair again and began to cough. Good for him. If he needed rescue breathing I think I would just let him die.

_/ Generous, aren't you/_

I jerked his hair backward, arm wrapped around his neck. He chocked, bereft of oxygen again.

"I'm not generous, as you should know. I've saved your life only because of Aya-chan." It felt good to be the one in control, to be the stronger. I still breathed heavily, trying to stop trembling, but Schuldig looked much worse. Blood flowed down his face from a wound in his head and he was dazed, but I'd got worse injuries and survived. I released the grip a little so he could breathe without difficulties. "We'll go to the hospital and you'll wake her up. If not, you'll wish I let you become fish food."

He didn't reply me, not that I was waiting for it. I hauled him to his feet and maintained my grip on him. Even though at this moment, it was more to hold him up, than to prevent him from an escape.

Walking turned out to be more difficult than I anticipated. My feet were still trembling and Schuldig was a dead weight. The sun was shining piercingly, reflecting on the bright sand. In what direction we had the car? Did the others also make it to the shore? The sudden dizziness overtook me unexpectedly. I fought it down. This was a real chance to force the bastard in doing what I wanted. I had to be strong for Aya-chan.

I blamed the dizziness for not noticing them. Through the blurred vision I suddenly realized I was staring at Crawford. I let my knees buckled under me and crumpled down onto the sand, placing Schuldig in the process between me and them, gripping him tightly. Farfarello was standing behind Crawford, supporting Naoe with one hand. The telekinetic looked like a shit, barely standing on his feet. But Crawford didn't seem to have problems, his gun pointed at me. Damn.

"I suggest you to release him, now," said Crawford calmly.

"And I suggest _you_ to leave now or I'll break his neck," I snapped back.

"Maybe you manage to kill him before you die – that's if I have a bad aim. But who is going to pay the hospital's bills for your sister?"

"I'll trust the rest of my team," I answered and hoped they would.

_/ Ah, they're nice guys, of course they will. But how can you know they survived/_

_/ We did. /_

_/ I wouldn't have survived without your help. / _The mental voice was a little less smug than usually. _/ And my team has powers yours doesn't have. /_

"The only one I can see is Hidakata," interrupted Crawford our discussion. "And he needs your help badly."

I hesitated. Did he tell me the lie or the truth? But even if Hidakata was really in need, should I release Schuldig to help him? He was probably the only hope Aya-chan had.

_/ So they're good to fight and die for you. But not good enough to live. /_ The well-known amusement was back. He didn't try to fight my hold on him, his head resting on my shoulder, but I could feel the growing tension inside his body. He had closed eyes, probably the light was too sharp for him right now. Some small part of me was urging me to let him go and find my team. The rest was fighting against it. I lived only for my sister, for the hope she'd wake up. And this man I hated so much was the key. To the hell with everything other. I didn't ask them to fight for me, they did it on their own will.

_/ You're really bastard. /_

"Shut up," I snarled.

"Funny, they trusted you," he spoke up, his voice hoarse. His eyes opened then and I noticed that they had almost the same shade as Yoji's. "What fools they were."

I looked at him but didn't see him. Instead of it I saw Yoji, looking at me reproachfully. Or were those the blue eyes of Omi? I realized that Schuldig was manipulating me to see the faces of my teammates instead of his.

The scene from the yesterday's evening appeared in my mind. I had been nervous, almost scared out of my head but I didn't let them saw it. Instead of it I became even colder and irritating, arguing with almost every stage of our mission – of Aya's rescue plan. Suddenly Omi touched my arm and looked at me with those blue, seemingly innocent eyes. "Don't worry Aya-kun," he said. "We'll save her."

The corner of my lips curled in an expression not so different from Schuldig's. He was right for once - I really was bastard.

I let him go and stood up. Ignoring the rest of Schwarz I focused only on Schuldig. He didn't try to stand up, looking at me intently. His eyes remained blue, just took a different shade than Omi's.

"This isn't the end," I told him. "I won't give it up."

"No, it isn't," he said quietly and then suddenly grinned. "It's a beginning."

I turned my back on them, half-expecting a gunshot. After a few steps I heard Schuldig called: "Abyssinian."

I turned around. He was standing on the place I'd leaved him. Having lost a bandanna, his hair was falling freely around his face, on some places darker from the blood. His white suit was torn and soaked in water, but something in his face had changed. There was a light I'd never seen before.

"You're going the wrong way," he said. "Hidakata's in the opposite direction."

With this he stopped paying any attention to me and turned to his team. Crawford had already placed the gun into the holster, calm as ever. Farfarello took the boy in his arms, carrying him without difficulties. They didn't hesitate in the direction they went.

I began to walk in the way Schuldig had indicated and after approximately five minutes I found Ken, laying on his back. I hurried to him, worried of the worst. He heard me running because he raised his head slightly.

"Aya," he said with pain, "I'm so glad to see you."

"Where are you hurt?"

"I've broke my leg, I think. It was really luck I've ended washed up here."

I sat down, next to him. Fortunately I managed to suppress the reaction 'That's all?!

"Ok, Manx'll find us soon. I'm going to check you for other injuries."

He nodded and closed his eyes again. There was some blood on his cheek but it was only a scratch, nothing dangerous. I checked his rips, arms and then his legs. Everything with the exception of the leg seemed more or less all right. At least I hoped.

I heard a faint noise and looked up, prepared for a fight. In the distance I could see two figures, one small and the other tall, that was waving. They were going towards us in a slow tired motion.

"It looks like Omi and Yoji," said Ken.

"Aa."

All of us survived. I looked back in the direction Schwarz had disappeared. So Ken needed my help badly, eh? Manipulative bastards. But right know, with the rest of my team alive, I wasn't as angry as I supposed I should be. The Elders were destroyed and my sister was safe. Even now, when I knew that Ken hadn't been in a real danger, I wasn't able to regret my decision completely, because it helped me to stay more the person I'd one been. It made a distinction between me and them.

But curiously, when I finally closed my eyes that day, the only thing I could see was the expression on Schuldig's face when he'd called my code name.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

She looked exactly the same as before. The whole kidnap and fight left her unchanged. I touched her cheek, warm under my fingers and whispered her name. I didn't really expect any reaction but I still had to do it, hoping that she was imprisoned in some nice dream, not in a nightmare. She looked peacefully enough to accuse the German of a lie and try to believe in it. Or I would go crazy.

I left her in the room scented with fresh flowers I had brought for her. Manx would come today to give us the first mission after a week. I supposed it would be something simple because Ken and Omi still couldn't be counted in. In fact, I was the only one who remained more or less unscratched by the whole incident. Omi had injured his arm during the fall and Kudou had got a long scratch across his back. The scratch wasn't serious but the constant whims about how his beautiful body was now deformed had almost made me kill him. But with this exception we really tried to get along with each other. We were lucky we had survived and we knew it.

I waited for Omi and Yoji in the car. They went with me to hospital for checking their injuries while Ken stayed home, his leg in plaster. Thankfully, I didn't have to wait long before I saw them in a rear-view mirror. Omi looked cheerful as usual, his hand freshly bandaged.

Yoji took a passenger seat while Omi sat behind. I started the engine without saying anything and they also remained silent. That lasted only until Yoji wanted to light a cigarette.

"Knock it off, Kudou," I snarled. "This is my car."

"You shouldn't smoke at all," informed him Omi from behind.

"You two can be so boring," Yoji rolled his eyes but returned the cigarette into the packet.

"So keep it for more entertaining company," I stated.

"Yeah," nodded Omi. "Not everybody wants to suffer from passive smoking."

"Wise asses," murmured Yoji but he smiled.

* * *

When we arrived home Ken was watching a soccer match but as soon as he saw us, he turned the sound off.

I didn't believe this had happened, the hell just froze. Then I noticed that the match was probably in the halftime and that explained everything.

"So what did doctors say?" he asked, his own leg stretched as comfortably as possible on the couch.

I leaned against the wall, waiting.

"It's better than the last time," shrugged Omi. "It won't be healing long."

Yoji occupied the chair, looking quite satisfied. "Maybe I won't even have a noticeable scar. That's if I cream it often once it'll heal a little more."

"And how are you going to do it?" asked Ken. "It's on your back."

"Why, Ken, are you volunteering?" Yoji smiled wickedly.

"Suure," snorted the brunet, brown eyes shone with mischief. "Save it for your ladies. Just imagine how they'll be dazed when you strip off your shirt and offer them a unique chance to cream your back."

"Brat."

"I've heard that women like scars," remarked Omi.

Ken stared at him while Yoji started laughing.

"What's so funny?" asked Omi.

"Nothing at all," Ken scowled lightly. "Don't mind him, he's brain-damaged."

"Unfortunately, he is. I'm going to do my homework."

"You do that, kid," gasped Yoji, still grinning. Ken threw a pillow at him.

I headed to the kitchen to make tea. We had still some time left until Manx arrived.

* * *

The mission seemed easy enough – just get in, kill the target and get out. Number of bodyguards was also limited.

"Are you in, Abyssinian?"

I looked at her. While I still had some distaste for Kritiker I had to pay the bills again. By cooperation I could also obtain some information about Schwarz or might even run into them.

"I'm in."

"Good," she still wore a sour face whenever she spoke to me. Not that I mind it. I gave her one of my coldest look in exchange and she glared back.

"Soo," Yoji clasped his hands, "I guess it will be just me and Aya then."

She turned her attention to him, interrupting our glaring contest. "Yes, you two should be enough to complete the mission." She had prepared desks with more detailed information. "No need for a long preparation. I expect you to accomplish the mission during tomorrow's night. Good luck."

She headed to the doors, her heels ridiculously clicking.

Yoji smirked, watching me through half lidded eyes. "Let's kill the man."

* * *

Sakura came to visit me again. I was quite relieved to see her, she didn't appeared in our shop since the whole mess had started.

A half hour later I noticed that something was wrong. She didn't chat with me or with the other girls in the shop. In fact she remained silent.

"Is everything all right, Sakura?" I asked her.

"Of course," she smiled at me but that smile was crooked.

I noticed that Omi and Yoji were watching her intently. At an opportune moment, Omi took me aside.

"Don't you think that Sakura-chan is behaving strange today?" He looked concerned.

"She's silent."

Omi nodded, rubbing his hand nervously. "Be careful, Aya-kun. She can be under his influence again."

I frowned, the thought didn't occur to me. Even though I assumed this wasn't that case, we had to be cautious. I returned to the work and Omi joined us a while later. With a frown I spotted his swollen pocket. He took his darts.

I looked at Yoji but he didn't pay any attention to me, flirting with girls. But when he glanced at Sakura from time to time, there was sorrow in his eyes. Suddenly I realized that Sakura was watching her carefree schoolmates with an expression I would once have had if I had been a more open person. She wasn't one of them anymore.

* * *

Yoji and I helped each other to get over a wall and jumped into a large garden. It was late in the night and a rapidly approaching storm helped us to cover our movements. According to our plan, we should avoid the guards outside the building. Provided that we managed to kill the target in silence, there wouldn't be a necessity to fight with the whole security.

I had some doubts about whether we can manage it. We would need a great speed and Yoji was injured. But both a Kritiker's doctor and the man himself had convinced me.

The wind was getting stronger, in the distance I heard a first thunder. I looked at Yoji beside me, barely recognizable except of his hair, and nodded. Time to go. We moved carefully, from shadow to shadow, each movement perfectly synchronized.

A smell of freshly cut grass… first drops upon my face… his breath when he reached a brush and got closer to me…

I felt alive.

The guard in front of the house turned his back on us and began to walk away. I waited another second before closing the short distance between my spot and the building. Yoji followed me shortly after. He smiled at me, in the dark I saw the flash of his white teeth, before focusing on opening the door, while I kept alert. Kritiker provided us with the number code so we got inside in no time.

Now the harder part of the plan arose. Without detailed knowledge about where the target was right now, we had to search the house. We also couldn't cut off the building from the electrical network, it had its own spare generator. It would have alarmed the security, if both of them suddenly were not been able to supply the energy.

We heard approaching steps and managed to avoid the first guard, quickly hiding in one room. For the second time we weren't so lucky, the man took us in surprise. He just stood behind the corner, watching the storm outside. Turning his head a little, he saw us, face freezing in shock. The sound of his falling body was drowned out by a thunder.

I didn't brother to sheath the sword again. Now it was only matter of time before someone would find the body.

Moving quickly but carefully, we were in the middle of the salon, when two men entered it from the opposite site. There was no time to hide, and they saw us almost as the same moment as we did. I jumped forward, focusing on the one, who was nearer to me. He tried to pull the gun out hastily. I put all the strength into one blow, for he had to die without a sound, and nearly decapitated him.

A deafening gunshot, Yoji's face twisted in pain. For a moment I thought that he had been shot, before realizing that expression was caused by his damned back. He quickly released now a lifeless body from his wires and looked at me, his face blank again. The guard missed him, but the damage was still done.

I turned without any words, running to the bedroom while Yoji headed to the study. The stairs, turn to the left, a shadow in the right…

I jumped to the side just in time to save my life, sharp pain blossoming suddenly in my left arm. The smell of gunshot and burned skin. Hot blood on my hands when I almost cut his arm off. He screamed, dropped the gun and tried to hold his limb in the place. I killed him without hesitation.

"Abyssinian, are you all right?" I heard Yoji in my headphones.

"Aa." I was breathing heavily from the shock and pain, but clenched the teeth and regained the control again.

"The target is terminated."

"Understand, go to the back door." I made for that direction too, not sparing the briefest look to the corpse on the floor.

"Roger."

According to our information, there should be only eight guards, so four remained.

"Four left," I said into the mike, my voice calm and cold.

"Three," he answered.

I descended the stairs and moved to the corridor, when I heard Yoji's "shit" and then again gunshots.

"Stairs," I said quickly and jumped to the site of door, hoping that Yoji would manage it. In the next second passed me, the pursuers hot in his heel. I killed the first immediately and Yoji got the second. Third came to a halt, his eyes wide at the sight of one of his commander dead and the second struggling for a breath, caught in the wires. He turned around and tried to escape. And died with his back on us.

Covered with blood I headed to the entrance.

Outside raged the storm almost as violently as my own anger inside me. The air smelled from ozone, fresh and sharp.

It was sheer luck we survived the whole mission relatively unharmed and I began to be tired of relying just on it.

It was time to change that strategy.


	5. Chapter 5

_My thanks to __Nonasuki-chan for beta and other valuable comments.  
_

* * *

**Chapter 5**

It was silent the whole way back. I was staring from the window, thinking about what we had to do. At some point my anger diminished a little, but the tense atmosphere remained. Yoji didn't have anything to say, focusing all his attention on driving.

The car stopped and I realized we were home. I had stopped paying attention somewhere on the way.

"I'm sorry," said Yoji quietly, looking at the wheel.

"It's not your fault," I said. Even though one part of me wanted to throw his own words back at him about how in shape for the mission he was, it was pointless. He had realized it already and I would need his cooperation in the future. "They shouldn't have put us on this mission so early."

Yoji was still watching the wheel, his face burning. I touched his arm lightly, hiding the pain the movement brought me. "You know how to handle a gun, right?"

He looked at me then, surprised. In the gloom I could see his widened eyes, slightly opened mouth, still reddened cheeks… The small space seemed suddenly stuffy, the smell of the blood stronger. I let my hand fall down.

"Although I still prefer katana, having a second weapon is a good idea," I said quickly. "For both of us, especially if we can't rely on Kritiker completely."

Yoji nodded slowly.

I waited just for that nod before getting out of the car.

"I'll get some," I heard. "Just give me time."

"Aa." I didn't look at him, still confused from different feelings. Suddenly I felt tired and wanted to get a shower and sleep.

Yoji locked the car, and I heard his steps following me to the door. Once inside, he gripped me firmly by the wrist. "You're not going anywhere until I treat your injuries."

"Kudou," I growled, "it's just a scratch. I can take care of it myself."

"No way."

"What's going on?" Omi entered the kitchen. I wasn't surprised that he was waiting for our return. Ken probably stayed awake too.

"Aya got hurt and he wants to hide as usual."

"It's nothing serious."

"Of course," said Omi. "Hold him down, Yoji. I'll go for the first aid."

Yoji smiled triumphantly, ignoring my death glare.

I made a mental note to tell Omi to look at his back later.

* * *

"Damn it!"

I sighed, closed the book I had been reading, and went down. Ken was watching TV again. He had become more and more restless in the last few days. Two weeks after we had fallen into the sea he was vibrating with unused energy.

"Those pricks don't even know how to play right!"

Maybe he should vent it somehow.

"And they call _this_ football."

Screaming didn't seem sufficient anymore.

Omi entered the room at the same moment as I did. "Manx is here, Aya-kun."

I looked at Ken who frowned. "Just go, it's not like I can be useful right now."

I nodded and left him. Maybe we should try to let him work in the shop or something.

"Ken's upset," said Omi quietly.

"Really?" I asked sarcastically and Omi came to a halt, staring at me in shock.

"Not now, Omi. We dealt with it later."

"Hey, are you guys coming or not?" called Yoji from downstairs.

"Hai, hai," answered Omi.

I let him go first. Manx was tapping her fingers on the files impatiently. I leaned against the wall as usual, waiting.

"I have a new mission for you. Omi's hand is in better shape, he can participate."

"No," I said quietly.

She looked at me, unconcerned. "Of course, he doesn't have to. This mission is possible to complete just with you and Balinese."

"Have you read the report, Manx?"

"Yes, I have. However, the mission was successful and nobody was hurt seriously."

"It was a close call. I won't allow anyone of my team to take a mission until they are fully healed."

Everyone stared at me.

"So," I continued, "with the exception of solo missions, we're going to refuse."

"No solo missions," said Yoji suddenly. "You aren't going anywhere without backup."

I raised an eyebrow, stunned by the vehemence in his voice, but nodded anyway. Yoji could be stubborn when he wanted and it wasn't worth the fuss.

"This is ridiculous," said Manx irately.

"The doctors said I'd be able to work with my wires without any problems after a week, as you certainly know," said Yoji more calmly. "For such an organization as Kritiker is, it shouldn't be a problem. After all, we aren't the only team."

She looked at Omi, who nodded. He didn't even look nervous from the tension in the room. Sometimes I forgot he wasn't a kid.

"I agree with Aya-kun. It's unnecessary to put anyone in danger just because of impatience."

Manx sighed, suddenly looking more tired than angry. "Fine, have it your way."

We didn't move until she left. Then Yoji smiled. "Be careful, Aya. People might think you actually care."

"I just don't want to get killed," I murmured while Omi beamed at us.

* * *

I found Yoji outside, smoking.

"Going for a walk?" he asked.

I hesitated. "I want to speak with you."

He blinked, surprised. "What's going on?"

"Not here," I murmured and began to move.

He caught up with me quickly. "Where are we going?"

"To the park."

"Eh, what about Omi? Won't he be pissed off that we left him alone in the shop?"

"At this time it's never crowded, he can manage it by himself."

"That's not exactly what I meant."

I looked at him from the corner of my eye. "I asked him, he agreed." To tell the truth, Omi had looked rather like a fox that had caught a fat hen. Sometimes I didn't understand him.

"Did he?" asked Yoji but didn't say anything else until we reached the park.

He slumped on a bench, immediately lighting a cigarette. "Man, you're going to buy me a beer for this walk."

I just snorted.

"Sit down," he said and looked at me over the rim of his sunglasses.

I took the place next to him and looked around. It was sunny so the park was full of children. Their laugh and clamour made a pleasant background sound.

Yoji sighed. "Nice day, isn't it?"

"Aa."

During the next few minutes he finished his cigarette and threw away the butt.

I scowled at him. "You should have thrown it in a bin."

He ignored my words completely, the green eyes watching me seriously. "We need to return before school lets out. Are you in trouble, Aya?"

"No," I didn't want to disturb the peaceful atmosphere but Yoji was right and I had to ask him. He had better sources than me. "Have you heard about Schwarz since that time?"

"Schwarz?" he asked quietly, eyes narrowing. "What's going on? You've never explained what happened between Schuldig and you in that factory."

"And I'm not going to."

"Why?"

I didn't want to tell him what had happened. Yoji might know I was a selfish bastard, but there was no need for him to know exactly how much. "It's personal."

He caught me by the chin suddenly, forcing me to stare at him. The look at his face was… I didn't know what it was. Cold and hard. Deadly.

"Did he hurt you?" he asked me, his voice calm. I felt a shiver run down my spine.

"No," I said.

Yoji let go of me then, tension quickly disappearing from his body. "You should tell me anyway. It's Schwarz so it concerns all of us."

It was the truth but... "I'll tell you one day."

He looked at me searchingly before finally nodding. "Ok, then. But to answer your question: I haven't heard about them."

So, it was pointless. Maybe they had even left the country.

"Is it a good news or bad?" he watched my expression and sighed. "You know you can't believe him about anything."

"I know."

He scowled. "That somehow failed to persuade me."

"Yoji…" I said with irritation.

"Understand," he said and stood up. "We should return to the shop but…" he looked at me, eyes warm and sincere. "…you know, you can trust me, right?" he asked and I just nodded numbly.

Yoji…was a better friend than I deserved.

* * *

Judging from Ken's expression, he was prepared to kill. Or even worse, go berserk and turn the shop into a bloody mayhem. Not that I could blame him.

We had placed Ken behind the counter, where he should have been more comfortable and gotten some distance from the customers, but… The girls were overexcited, they had not seen him for two weeks. And his leg plaster-encased gave them another excuse to overwhelm him with sweets, flowers (as if he didn't work in a flower shop) and most importantly with a store of inquiries and stupid questions.

Ken was always short-tempered but the last few days of physical immobility made him even more explosive… And now this.

"Keeen-kun, when are you going to see a doctor?"

"Does it hurt?"

"Can I offer you a chocolate?"

"I want to buy you a red rose."

"Don't you want to read this book? It's my favorite, I can loan it to you."

"Excuse me, I'd like to buy this bouquet. That's if you have time…"

Time for my favourite line.

"Girls," Yoji screamed so he was heard even over the chaos. The noise in the shop abruptly ceased. Nobody was used to Yoji's yelling, just mine. "You should give Ken a break. I mean," his voice became serious, "look at his expression…"

I did and shuddered. It remained me of Farfarello.

"…he's in pain. In fact, I think that you should go rest, Ken. We can manage it on our own."

Omi nodded viciously.

Ken just snarled and limped away. We heard a thump a little while later.

"What happened?" asked one girl anxiously.

"What if he felt?"

"I'm going to look," said Omi reassuringly while Yoji tried to persuade girls to leave. Every man had his limits. Even Yoji.

* * *

It was a late afternoon before the closing time, when Sakura came again. I was alone in the shop, Yoji didn't have a shift and Omi went ahead to prepare dinner.

She looked upset, so I put a broom aside. "Come in," I said. She did but chose to stand and look at the flowers, instead of sitting or coming closer to me. It was so strange that I recalled Omi's words but decided not to call the others. I was probably wrong and besides… If it really was Schuldig, I wanted to hear what he had to say.

"Sakura? Did something happen?" That got reaction at least. She looked at me, tears in her eyes. I moved closer to her, my heart pounding.

What if someone had hurt her again?

"I tried to be brave but…"

She began to cry and threw herself into my arms. I froze but after a while I began to pat her clumsily.

"I can't speak about what happened with anyone," she whimpered. "When I try to tell my parents, they just get blank expressions and don't listen to me, still thinking I was on holiday! And it's the same with everyone else. They just asked me if I enjoyed it."

She giggled hysterically. "Do you understand? If I _enjoyed_ it."

"Sakura-chan…"

She broke away from my embrace suddenly, her eyes flashing. "It's _his_ work. How can he do it? How can someone have such power?" She was screaming now. "He can make me forget about everyone, he can make my parents forget I've ever existed!"

I stared at her, unable to comfort her. I could not lie to her and she would know better anyway.

"Why haven't you killed him yet? You are able to kill, I saw you doing it."

Her words touched me deeply, but I tried to stay reasonable. Fortunately, the shop was still empty. "Sakura, calm down."

"No, I won't. If I ever see him again, I'll kill myself! Do you understand? It would be better than ever becoming his puppet again."

She ran away, the shop bell ringing into the sudden silence. The whole scene, the light penetrating through shopwindows, everything felt suddenly cold, surreal.

. . . . . . ... . . . . . . . . . . .._…his body falling into the water…_

..._hair stained with blood…_

…_eyes blue as a winter morning… _

_…Abyssinian…_

I should have let you fall.

* * *


	6. Chapter 6

_Again my thanks to __Nonasuki-chan.

* * *

_

**Chapter 6**

Today Ken went to hospital to have the plaster cast removed from his leg. Yoji took him there. Everybody was going to feel better once Ken could vent his energy on football or whatever. Since the last failure in the shop we didn't try to engage him in any activity. It was safer.

I sighed, staring at the wall in my room. Lately, I hadn't take part in anything except missions and the shop. Sakura was right that afternoon and Omi had heard that. No wonder, since she had shouted loudly enough to be heard by anyone in the house, but his words were even worse than hers.

_…you mustn't blame yourself. It's not your fault..._

_…you know as much as I do about how hard is to get those guys. It's almost impossible..._

_…It's not like we haven't tried, right?..._

I had never perceived my action as betrayal. But even that betrayal was pointless. Schwarz disappeared while my sister remained in coma.

I had been stupid. Crawford had certainly seen what was coming and while the rest of the Schwarz hadn't been able to protect Schuldig during that fall, probably weakened by the fight with the Elders, he had found someone else to do the job for them.

I smiled. It was hard to admit the possibility that Schuldig might not to be able to wake her up. Once I decided to believe, to hope… Was it just a mistake? Did I want too much?

Where are you, you bastard?

* * *

Omi checked the explosion charge and nodded. It would be enough to make the driver stop, but not enough to draw any unwanted attention. Even in this remote place, it was better not to take unnecessary risks.

We moved to our positions, preparing to strike. I saw the expression on Yoji's face before he turned away.

"The target is coming," I heard in the mike. Omi, not Omi – Bombay, monitored the movement of the car. In the first stage of the mission, he had put a tracer on it. Kritiker had provided reliable information about the target including his timetable.

We had chosen the place carefully. There would been no witnesses.

"Three…"

The lights of the car.

"Two…"

I unsheathed my sword.

"One…"

Flames of the explosion dancing on my blade.

Bodyguards jumped from the car, guns prepared. Omi took down one with his dart and while the other shot in his direction, trying to find him in the shadows, the wires looped around his throat.

The driver got out of the car and run away. Ken went after him so I made for the target. He was covering at his seat, trembling.

"Please, I'll give you anything, money…"

I sneered. There was nothing he could offer to make me forgive him for what he had done. Katana wasn't the best choice in this case but it would have to suffice.

I heard a shriek followed by a victorious yell. Omi and Yoji stared at Ken, who had caught up the driver at the other side of the flames.

His face had an expression I knew too well. But so far I had seen it only on a completely different person.

* * *

The darkness was everywhere around me, thick and heavy. Endless.

I began to move without any direction. Some part of my brain realized that I was dreaming.

I crashed into a wall, the surface was smooth and cold beneath my fingers.

What's going on?

For a while I thought I saw a movement. I strained my eyes and noticed that there really was something on the other side of the wall. Over the sound of my pounding heart I heard… sobbing?

Suddenly the darkness backed off before a new light and I saw…

_Aya?!_

"Schuldig," she whimpered, stretching out her hands to him.

And what the hell was he doing there? I guessed that it was his presence that lighted the space up and I had to smile at the irony.

"So impatient to see me," he mocked her, raising an eyebrow.

I gritted my teeth. Of course, my sister would have never greeted Schuldig like that (or at all) but regardless of the fact that this was just a dream, he was going to pay.

"I can't stand it anymore," she whispered.

He just tilted his head to the side, watching her intently, his hair falling like an orange waterfall around his face.

She closed her eyes in resignation. "Ok, forget it. But this place is really getting on my nerves."

He smiled then and… the scene behind the wall changed. They were in a meadow, the sun was shining and a gentle wind was rustling in treetops and grass.

Aya made a face. "I should be able to do this, it's my brain after all."

Shuldig shrugged. "Sometimes it's harder to control your own brain than somebody else's."

This dream was going to have a top place among my strangest ones.

Aya sat down, tilting her face to the sun. "It's so long I've felt the real sunshine."

Schuldig said nothing, staring into the space.

"It's something wrong?" asked Aya.

"Nothing," he frowned. "Just a strange feeling."

"How's Ran?"

Schuldig raised an eyebrow. "How should I know? It's not like I keep his timetable."

"You could look."

"Why? I have better things to do."

Aya pouted. "You could at least look before you go to visit me."

"Somehow, I doubt he'd be glad to have me in his head." He grinned suddenly. "Maybe I _should_ visit him. It could be fun."

Aya jumped from the grass, fists in her hips. "You won't hurt him," she said calmly but there was anger in her eyes. "Or I…"

Schuldig looked at her, half-closed eyes taunting.

"Or what?" he moved closer to her, so she had to tilt her head to look at his face. "You can't even get out of this place."

She pursed her lips but said nothing.

"Just a spoiled brat," he continued, "who knows nothing about the real world."

"I'll find a way if you hurt him."

"That would be fun to watch," he smirked coldly. "I can kill you in a heartbeat."

She shivered but said nothing.

Schuldig, I'm gonna rip you open!

He got a distant expression, tilting his head as if listening.

"Someone's calling?" she asked at length when he said nothing.

He frowned. "I have to go."

"You _won't_ hurt him," she stated.

He rolled his eyes, the dangerous atmosphere disappeared from him as suddenly as it came. "He's not worth the effort."

Aya didn't seem to be surprised by the quick change of his moods. "Come again?"

He just struggled and vanished.

The darkness returned but I knew she was still on the other side. I began to bang on the wall, trying to get through it but without any success.

"Troublemaker," she murmured.

I woke up, the dream fresh in my mind. The alarm clock showed five a.m. but I knew I won't be able to sleep again.

It all had seemed so real but I tried not to give it any special meaning. I had thought a lot about Aya-chan and Schuldig, so it was not that surprising that I had dreamed about them. That's all.

I got up and dressed. It was a Sunday morning, so the house was silent. With a sight I headed to the kitchen to make tea. For a long time I just sat at the table, sipped the tea and though about nothing. When I realized, that I didn't want to meet my teammates yet, I went to my room for the coat and keys and left the house.

The air was still cold, but the sun was shining nicely. Streets were mostly empty and I just wander the city, without any aim. It was clear I was going to visit Aya-chan today, but I wanted to wait at least until eight o'clock.

Taking a deep breath of cold air I watched everything and everyone I met. Personification of walking oxymoron – feeling lonely and still evading company. It was just stupid but I could not change who I was.

I wandered for some time, before I came to a wooden church. It looked peaceful but something in my stomach clenched. For a while I just stood still, pondering whether to walk away or not, but in the reality I knew what I was going to do from the beginning.

Climbing the few steps that separated me from the entrance, I hesitantly pushed a door open.

The smell of blood filled my nose immediately, even before I saw the first body. Two corpses lay on the stone floor, but the blood was fresh, still flowing from the wounds.

With the knowledge that I'm not armed, I entered the church slowly, the door closing behind me with a thud.

Movement in the shadow and he came out. Illuminated by large mosaic windows he seemed to be as white as a freshly fallen snow, despite the bodies staring accusingly at the ceiling.

"Did you come to pray?" he smiled, the bloody knives still in the hands.

I stared at him, contemplating what to do. But even in this situation, something in me felt… almost happy. He was the proof that Schwarz was still somewhere in the city.

"Where is Schuldig?" I asked calmly.

He blinked, probably surprised I didn't fly yet. He could see I was defenseless right now.

"In a hurry to die?" he didn't remove his look from me, lifting the knife to his mouth and licking the blood from the blade slowly.

I watched him, in my face an expression of disinterest. "Where is he?"

The gold eye focused on me with unexpected intensity. "Do you think they prayed to Him, when I killed them? So slowly… I gave them time. I gave Him time, but He never hears. He never helps."

"Psycho," I snarled at him and he grinned. I remembered how gently he had lifted and carried that boy just a month ago. It didn't fit.

I would have smiled if the situation wasn't so grim. Another oxymoron.

Two knives thudded into the door behind me with a thud. I did not move but this time I did smile. Maybe I was just stupid, but I felt sick of everything and almost welcomed some physical confrontation.

"Let's see," he said, "how prepared to face death you are."

He waited just as long as it took me to pull the knives out of the wood and then he charged at me, more shining and alive than any angel in the church.


	7. Chapter 7

_My thanks to __Nonasuki-chan and everyone who was kind enough to write a review._

* * *

**Chapter 7**

Shadows and light. Metal and blood. Pain. Madness…

I got lost in the whirl of the fight, no longer thinking, just reacting. The yellow gaze was fixed on me, the white mouth curved in a smile I almost reciprocated. It was so simple and purifying.

A new shaper pain and I realized I was laying flat on my back, Farfarello's knife on my neck. He mastered the fight with these weapons, while I had fought only with my katana. The result was obvious.

I blinked, cooling down a little. While it was not in my nature, I should have retreated this time. I should have remembered Aya-chan. Now there was no way back.

Sister…

"You are afraid of death," he observed, "yet, you weren't so disturbed by the death of others."

Others? What..?

He tilted his head little in the direction of the corpses and I got it. But he was wrong. Of course it agitated me, I just had no time to pay attention to it.

"Denying never helped anyone," he remarked and I gave him a black look. He stared at me, intent, yet was somewhat distant. It unnerved me. His lips moved as he began to murmur:

„_Regions of sorrow, doleful shades, where peace_

_And rest can never dwell, hope never comes_

_That comes to all, but torture without end…_

_For those rebellious; here their prison ordained_

_In utter darkness..."¹_

His eye focused on me fully. "Are you falling, angel?" he asked softly.

"I'm no angel, wacko," I growled.

He lowered his face to me and I tensed. There was something questioning in his expression before he closed the distance between us and…

_…kissed me on_ _the forehead?!_

In the next second he butted me with such force, that I saw starts. When my sight cleared, Farfarello stood in the doorway, sliding his knives to sheaths.

"I'm not sure if it's right to kill you," he stated.

Huh?

"He means, he's not sure whether your death would hurt or please God," said a new voice as Schuldig materialized in the doorway. I sat up abruptly and immediately regretted it when my head swam.

"Schuldig…"

He smirked at me, looking better than ever before. Changing the green coat for a black one, his hair was even more striking. His bandanna was also black but he still wore those pink sunglasses.

_/ Glad you approve. /_

"Let's go," said Farfarello interrupting my scowl.

"Let's go," repeated the telepath mockingly. "And who'll clean the mess you made?"

Farfarello looked behind him. "The boy will, he always does."

"As if I have much choice," said an annoyed voice and Naoe entered the church.

I began to guess when Crawford would appear.

_/ He's not here, sorry. / _

_/ Schuldig…/_ I started but stopped when I saw the bodies to be lifted and then crushed with a terrible noise, like if clenched by a gigantic fist.

/ _He grinds them up. Nothing remains. /_

_/ That's disgusting. /_

_/ It works. No body, no evidence. /_

Even the spilled blood began to lift from the floor and joined to the mass in the air. Naoe opened a large plastic sack and it moved towards him.

I fought the sickness down. _/People will notice they're missing. /_ I thought rebelliously.

_/ No, /_ he tapped at his temple, _/ they won't. /_

Sakura's face came to my mind, her eyes…

_/ The_ _kidney-girl had a breakdown? / _he asked amusedly.

"Yes," I hissed with a sudden anger. "And you are the guilty one."

He laughed. I wanted to move to him, wring his neck…and realized that I couldn'tmove.

I snarled at the boy who gave me a bored look.

"Always guilty," murmured Schuldig, entertained. "Someone had to show her reality."

"You could leave her out of this. It wasn't her business."

"I'm terribly sorry," he said, his face indicating everything else than regret. "Anyway, it's too early to speak about her. We're leaving."

"Wait!" my thoughts took abruptly different direction. You can't leave yet."

He raised an eyebrow. "Watch me."

I fought the hold on me furiously, refusing to let him disappear again.

Naoe flickered me an annoyed look and then I was abruptly hurled into the air. Some part of me realized I had about a second before being smashed against the wall.

In the next moment I ended on the floor again, trying to catch my breath. When I lifted my head and looked at their direction, I saw _Farfalello_ holding Naoe by the arm. There weren't any knives involved, but he was looking at him threateningly.

"He's not yours to kill."

Schuldig was watching them intently but when he felt my look on him, the blue eyes glanced in my direction.

_/ Be careful, it's never good when Farf takes an interest in someone like this. /_

_/ Great. /_

I expected he would grin at me, amused, but that didn't happen.

"Enough," he spoke up, sharp tone in his voice. "Farf, let him go. We're leaving."

Farfarello didn't obey until Naoe murmured: "Whatever." The boy then lifted the plastic bag and without another look at me they headed to the door. I just decided to make one last attempt when Schuldig said:

"Nagi, hold him down."

I felt his power on me and cursed violently.

"He's falling," said Farfarello happily.

* * *

I murmured good morning to everyone and disappeared into my room to tend my wounds. It was just a few scratches but I wanted to sterilize them properly. And my forehead too.

The shirt was ruined so I threw it away. I worked automatically, my thoughts still in the church and finished just as someone knocked on the door.

"Yes?"

"It's me, Aya-kun," said Omi. "I need to speak with you."

I sighed and moved to open the door. The day was getting better and better. Omi smiled at me and slipped into the room, not waiting for an invitation. I heard him to take a breath. He frowned and looked at me searchingly.

"Are you hurt?"

I closed the door and leaned against them, arms crossed. "No," I said calmly.

"But I smell disinfection."

"The world is just too dirty to run without it."

He pursed his lips in irritation but remained silent. I also didn't offer any comment, waiting for him to begin with the matter he had come for.

"Aya-kun," he said at length, "I understand that what happened with Sakura-chan was… very unfortunate, but that's not reason to behave towards us the way you do."

"The way I do?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Especially towards Yoji-kun. He only tries to help you."

"I didn't ask him to be nosy and I won't allow anyone to interfere in my business."

Omi shook his head. "Don't you care about anyone other than your sister?"

I went rigid. How dare he. "Why should I?" I said coldly. "In the line of work we do it could kill me."

"That may be the truth," said Omi quietly, looking at the floor. "Still, with the work we do, that's the only thing which saves me," He lifted his eyes, calm and sad. I realized I was staring at him but I couldn't help myself. Omi was always cheerful, almost disgustingly happy. While I knew that it was just a mask, it was still shocking to see him without it.

"I'm sorry that I bothered you." He moved towards me. "If you could step aside so I can leave," he said politely.

Something inside me clenched and without understanding why I almost panicked. But I had played this game long enough so my own mask didn't crack. I simply stood still, refusing to move.

We stared at each other, thoughts whirling widely through my mind.

Who the hell did he think he was? Who gave him the right to say something like that? He should know better.

_…you weren't so disturbed by the death of others…_

Damn them. They should have found out that I wasn't a nice person by now.

"There is something you better know, Omi."

He tilted his head, curious.

"Schwarz is back."

* * *

¹ Milton, John. _Paradise Lost_.


	8. Chapter 8

_My thanks to __Nonasuki-chan for beta._

* * *

**Chapter 8**

Shock. Disbelief. And then concern.

"Aya-kun…" He moved towards me, touching my arm lightly, afraid that I would shake his hand off. "What happened? Are you really all right?"

"Aa. I just run into Farfarello this morning."

"That's not exactly a definition for being all right," he said checking me for wounds.

"I have just few scratches."

"I know your scratches," he murmured but calmed down a little. I could almost see how his brain shifted up. "Where did you meet him?"

"I'd rather save my breath and wait until Manx's here. You're going to inform Kritiker, right?"

He hesitated. "Is there any reason why I shouldn't?"

Interesting. "No, go ahead," I said and moved aside. With one last look he left my room. I closed the door, for a while standing still. I didn't give a damn about Kritiker, but the rest of Weiss should be aware of this possible danger.

I gave Manx fifteen minutes, carefully thinking about what I was going to say. Then I headed downstairs. Yoji was already in the mission room, sprawled on the armchair. He glanced at me before focusing on staring at the black screen again. Still not on speaking terms, then. But that was what I expected. Yoji let himself to be pushed only to a certain limit and it seemed that I had crossed it.

Quick steps as Ken raced down the stairs. He sat down on a chair looking at me curiously. Omi was the next to come followed by Manx.

Leaning against the wall, I lifted my head when she stopped in front of me.

"Abyssinian," she said, "Bombay's reported that you had an encounter with a member of Schwarz."

"Aa," I confirmed.

"Interesting," she moved little backward. "Please, start from the beginning." Even though she tried to stay calm, I could hear excitement in the tone of her voice. My lips almost curved into a sardonic smile. There was nothing for her to feel like that.

I told her reduced version, leaving out my dream, Farfarello's interest in me and my interest in Schuldig.

She was tapping fingers against her cheek, frowning a little. Obviously, she felt that I'd skipped something.

"So," said Ken, "you've lost against Farfarello." He was smiling, half-closed eyes watching me with some sort of amused benevolence.

"And?" I asked, wondering about what the hell was going on with him. He was becoming too much enthusiastic during the missions.

He just shrugged. "Next time take me with you."

"Ken-kun…" protested Omi.

"Try to fight against him only with knives," said Yoji calmly, "and we'll see."

I squinted up at him. He was sitting comfortable with arms folded across his chest. Hair swept back in a ponytail revealed a face devoid of any expression except a small frown between his eyebrows.

"What I find curious is that he didn't kill you," said Manx, returning all my attention back to her. "In fact, according to your own words, you've just got some scratches." Her eyes run over my body, studying me.

"I don't believe that they've ever really tried to kill us," I answered calmly despite a sudden desire to hit her.

"Why do you think so?"

I shrugged my shoulders slightly. "With the powers they have, we would be dead for a long time, if they wanted."

Ken just snorted while Omi was contemplating my words.

"What about Schuldig, then?"

"Schuldig?" I repeated blankly.

"Bombay reported me about that incident during the mission in the factory. We didn't pay too much attention to it, but you seem to have some… problems with Schwarz."

I went rigid, not looking at Omi at all, hiding anger beneath calm surface. "He was just taunting me and I lost my temper. That's all," I said succinctly.

Our gazes locked, she didn't believe me but I wasn't in a mood to try to persuade her.

"Schuldig knows how to get to you," spoke up Yoji, forcing her attention to shift to him. There was nothing unfriendly in his expression, he just looked little embarrassed if anything, raking a hand through his hair. "Because of that damned telepathy he knows exactly what to say to push your buttons. I'm quite used to it by now, but then again, I also don't have as much of a temper as our redhead." He grinned at me.

"Piss off, Kudou," I murmured.

He knew better than anyone else that I was hiding something. Still trying to protect me, Yoji?

"Well," said Manx with irritation, "if you have trouble with sleep or any other kind of problems, you ought to turn to our specialists."

I didn't deign to reply her and she was not waiting for it. Omi saw her off, while Ken was looking at me, entertained.

Yoji left the room without a backward glance.

Sometimes I was an idiot.

* * *

_/ Schuldig, where are you? Hallo, you German bastard, I'm thinking at you. You poor caricature of human, do you hear me? /_

I decided to spread the misery around. Locked in my room, I didn't want to see anyone, especially not Omi. He tried to speak with me through the closed door, while I was pointedly ignoring him, until Yoji came and said him to give me time to cool down a little.

_/ Sadistic arrogant nitwit. /_

How could be Yoji so forgiving? Was the situation reversed, I would let Manx grill him more. What the hell should I do?

_/ I hope I'm giving you a headache. /_

* * *

Wandering through the darkened city, I gave him a chance to meet me. If he was really hearing me, then it had to brother him enough to come. At least I hoped. Running out from all insults I knew, I continued calling his name. It was tiring but I was resolved not to give it up.

"If I had a touchy disposition, I'd feel offended."

I swirled around, surprised. I didn't expect him to come closer to me in such busy street.

"That was the purpose," I said, trying to stay calm.

He just snorted, orange hair messy without a bandanna to keep it back. He was wearing his old green coat again and I wondered if there was any purpose in it.

"Of course. I wouldn't take my new coat to kill you. It's a nuisance to get blood out of leather."

I watched him carefully, trying not to think about a knife I had.

"Will you wake up my sister?"

"You repeat yourself. Why should I?" He seemed to be in foul mood. Despite his words, there wasn't any trace of cold amusement he usually treated us with.

"I saved your miserable life," I snarled.

"And you were so generous in doing it," he said in a low, vehement tone, taking few steps closer me. The people around passed us as if we didn't exist. For Schuldig, deserted alley and a main street didn't make a difference.

I stood still, refusing to retreat. "Farfarello is not going to be happy with you, if you kill me," I remarked, hoping that it would distract him enough while my hand moved towards the knife.

"I'm not afraid of Farfarello," he said and I froze, smelling alcohol in his breath. Acting without thinking, I smashed him against the wall, the knife pressed at his throat. His body didn't offer any resistance, taking the whole hit from the contact with the wall. I pressed at him, feeling unsure. Something was wrong, he had to be drunker than it seemed. But if it was that case, how could he still control people so efficiently?

"So," he drawled, piercing blue eyes never leaving my face, "now that you have me, what are you going to do?"

I stared at him, the alarm bells ringing. Something was _so_ wrong.

"Do you think that I won't kill you just because the people around will see me when you die?" I asked.

He chuckled. "Wouldn't that be interesting?"

I swore, wishing we were in some alley. I knew that this was some kind of game for him, but at the other side, the knife in my hand was so real. It cut the skin on his throat enough to draw blood. He didn't move, watching me intently, lips quirked in a wry smile. I looked into his eyes, nearly losing myself in that ice gaze. My hands began to tremble.

Without witnesses I would… Two so similar faces dances before my eyes.

He gripped me by the wrist, his hand cold from an evening air. In those fingers was more strength than I had expected, cruelly digging into flesh. Pressing the knife away without much difficulty, he twisted my hand until I dropped it. Then he pushed me roughly away from himself.

I quickly found my balance, glaring at him.

"In this world, there are only two kinds of people," he said. "Those who are afraid of you and want to kill you and those who want to use you. You seem to have trouble choosing."

I stood still, my heart pounding rapidly. I wasn't sure, but…

"Don't follow me," he said flatly. "Or I'll kill you without hesitation."

He turned, walking away, arrogant that his gift would warm him.

It wasn't the threat that stopped me, but the bitterness I heard in his voice.

* * *

Sitting on my bed, I stared at the bruises around my wrist. Some long-sleeved shirt for tomorrow, then.

Someone ran up the stairs quickly. I heard Omi's laugh and then Yoji's voice, teasing him.

Yoji… better to leave him out of this. The less he knew, the safer he was. Both from Schwarz and Kritiker.

I was used to fighting alone. And I couldn't afford to lose.


	9. Chapter 9

_My thanks__ to Nonasuki-chan for beta and valuable comments.

* * *

_

**Chapter 9**

Certain kinds of pain never disappear. It could diminish a little as time passed, I could almost forget about it for a while but then it would suddenly return just to strike me harder. And it always left only sadness and impotent rage.

But nothing could be changed here, so I offered my parents a quiet farewell and left.

Farfarello was waiting for me behind the gate, leaning against the wall casually and playing with a knife. At the sound of my steps he looked up.

"This was personal," I said coldly not curious why he was here at all.

"Yeah," he nodded. "That's why I waited outside."

That halted my thoughts abruptly. It was strange to come to an agreement with Berserker on something. Hell, it wasn't strange, it was scary.

"Why are you here?" Had he decided to kill me after all?

It was stupid to be unarmed but I hadn't thought about it when I'd gone here. Well, that wouldn't change anything anyway. I couldn't take katana for the obvious reasons and knives were not enough against him. I needed a gun.

Farfarello just smiled. "I came to warm you."

"Really?" I asked sarcastically.

He bounced off the wall and draw near to me. I refused to be intimidated and stayed still. He stopped just with a little space separating us.

"Don't provoke him now, angel."

I stared at him. "Provoke whom?" I inquired even though I knew about whom he was speaking. The 'angel' part was ignored completely.

"The Guilty one," murmured Berserker. "He's too angry, too rough. He'd kill you if you annoy him and I might not be there to stop him."

The whole situation was almost ridiculous as well as the thought about Farfarello protecting me. But he'd already done it once.

I frowned. That didn't change anything. I was not going to stop just because the wacko told me so. He watched me with an almost cunning expression, head tilted a little to one side.

"You won't save you sister if you're dead. Better to be sly and wait for the right time," he said.

Why had I thought that the world can't be crazier?

"And that will be when?" I had no patience left.

Farfarello looked at me as if he could read my thoughts and sighed. "If you die, you'll be safe from His hands at least since I don't think that you'd come to beg Him for forgiveness."

He backed few steps away and then he turned and walked away. I didn't follow him. He was not the one I was interested in.

When I returned it was past the closing time but the lights in the shop were still on and the door was open so I came in.

* * *

Ken, Yoji and Omi were talking to Sakura but felt silent when they saw me. After our last encounter I didn't know what to expect from her or how to behave.

"I came to say goodbye, Aya-kun," she said at least, looking sad but calm.

"Goodbye?" I echoed.

"Yes. My family and I are going to move soon," she said. Then twisting her fingers nervously with slightly reddened cheeks she continued. "And I also came to apologize for my behavior…"

"There's no need," I said quietly still floored from the news. "I think that you're doing the right thing. Try to live a normal life again, will you?"

She nodded, her eyes brimming with tears.

"Be well," I said and smiled a little.

She moved to me, giving me a quick kiss on my cheek before rushing to the door. Stopping there she smiled at us before passing through it.

Be safe.

* * *

Yoji was giving me concerned looks obviously forgetting to be mad at me. And Omi followed his lead. Like if I was on the verge of nervous breakdown.

I liked Sakura, she reminded me of my sister. The best way that she could protect herself was to move away. In some ways it was as if part of my burden was taken away.

Feeling much calmer I went to my room, ignoring my teammates. I sat down on the bed and closed my eyes, sending Schuldig a direct invitation for talk.

The response came almost immediately.

_/ You're pretty pushy. Some people don't know when to stop. /_

Without visual contact it was even harder to read his mood but I guessed I was going to have a headache.

_/ You bet. /_

I decided to ignore it and waited. He knew what I wanted.

_/ I hate to break it to you, but I'm not a charity club. /_

_/ I'll pay you. /_

He actually laughed at the idea while I try to stay calm and reasonable without any murdering thoughts. And really did such a good job in it.

_/ I don't think you have enough money left after paying those bills. / _At least he sounded amused now._ / And I have enough anyway. /_

_/ So what do you want? /_

There was silence at the other side while I was contemplating how dangerous this question could be. I went through the things he might want from me and almost immediately decided that I wouldn't betray Weiss if he'd asked for it. My teammates faced death every day to get rid of the bastards Schwarz usually protected. Even with their hands red they tried to make the world at least little better.

_/ Oh, get down of that horse, /_ he was irritated. _/ I can take down your pathetic team whenever I want just by myself. /_

Gritting my teeth I didn't comment it.

_/ I'll tell you what. I'll wake your sister up if you kill a person I point you at_. /

I stared at the opposite wall not knowing what kind of answer I should give him. Why would he want something like that when he was more than capable of doing it by himself? Or was there someone even Schwarz didn't want to be connected with?

_/ Oh, don't worry. It won't be a dark beast. /_ he thought mockingly.

My heart almost missed a beat. He… he wanted me to kill, no, to murder an innocent person.

_/ Bingo. With the exception of your lofty team and that Sakura girl, of course. /_

I couldn't do it. No fucking way.

_/ As you wish. Say hello to your sister for me. /_

He wanted to leave and never contact me again.

_/ Wait. /_ I sent him sharply, but didn't know what to say further.

He snorted. _/ If you decide that your sister's more precious to you than some stranger, be prepared at 10 p.m. tomorrow. If not, don't dare to bother me ever again. /_

With this I felt him leaving my mind. I didn't move for a long time.

* * *

There were some leftovers from dinner so I put them in a microwave. I wasn't really hungry but my room suddenly felt too oppressive for me to stay. The kitchen was empty as it was late in the night. When the food was warm enough, I sat down to eat it. At some point I realized that I was simply staring at it without eating anything.

"They waited for you to come up from your room. At the end they decided to speak with you in the morning."

I looked up. Ken stood in the doorway, watching me.

"So why are you not sleeping?" I asked, not really interested in the answer. I didn't want to talk with Ken right know. For a while I felt a pang of regret that it wasn't Yoji here instead of him. But it was better this way.

"I waited for you as well," he said and moved towards me. I watched him cautiously don't trusting him completely. It was unfair but I couldn't help myself.

"What's your problem? And don't tell me that it's Sakura. I know better."

"And why should I tell you?"

He sat down across from me, smiling.

"It's Schuldig, right?"

"You're all obsessed with him," I retorted, half-rising.

"No, _you_ are. But why? What can he give you that we can't?" he tapped his finger against his mouth. "Maybe your sister." He spoke quietly, lips still curved in that strange smile.

I froze before sitting slowly down again.

"What did you offer him to do it?"

"That's nonsense," I said, but my voice sounded strangled.

"Oh, common," he snorted.

I didn't answer him, my pulse accelerated. He had guessed too much. But did it matter? I needed to speak with someone about it.

"Aya?" he asked me almost softly.

I shook my head, not trusting my voice. "He wants…in exchange… I had to kill someone. I don't know who. He said… no dark beast."

He studied me quietly for a while before asking. "Are you going to do it?"

"I don't know," I exploded. "What would _you_ do?"

He sighed, leaning back on the chair. The blue eyes studied me seriously.

"I'd probably agree on it. If she was my sister, she'd be more important."

"You'd become a murderer." Suddenly I was angry. For Ken voiced something with which one part of me agreed on.

"We do it all the time."

"That's something different…" I snapped

"I know, I know. We kill dark beasts. Do as you think." He stood up. "But the world is full of beasts. Just like us. Why pretend anything?"

He left the room. I looked at the food before throwing it away. I really needed to talk to Yoji.

* * *

The following morning I just brushed away all inquiries. I especially avoided Yoji, not trusting myself completely. I didn't want to take him down with me.

Without any control, I was falling.

_To Be Continued…_


	10. Chapter 10

_My thanks to __Nonasuki-chan. She makes this story readable. :)_

* * *

**Chapter 10**

I was sitting on the step in the back door of the shop, running out of time. Dressed in the mission gear, with my sword laying next to me, I felt helpless, not knowing what to do. For whatever I chose, it would be wrong. Tonight I reached my breaking point: either I would become a murderer or I would lose Aya-chan. Both possibilities were unacceptable.

I let my head fell onto my arms. Why it must be this way? Why did it have to be Schuldig who had the power to wake her up? I envied other people their normal lives, their peace.

"Waiting for Godot?"

So… the devil was here.

"I do not appreciate your sense of humor," I snarled at him, but when I looked up, there was no smirk on his face.

"Your choice?" he said, going straight to the point.

"Why this? What do you get from it?"

"I don't need a reason. I'm evil, remember?"

I didn't bother with the answer.

"Fujimiya," he said and I sensed that he wouldn't wait for my decision much longer.

I looked away, my thoughts swirling widely. I could go inside and hope Aya-chan would wake up without his help. Or I could go with him and kill whoever he picked up.

There was also a third choice…I could try to kill him.

He lighted a cigarette, illuminating his sharp features for a second. "That's still the choice number one," he said as he blew a smoke. "Admit it Fujimiya, you are just out of my league. You can try it, but that's all. Of course," he smirked then, "the thought, that you at least _tried_ to kill me, might help you when you'll look at your sister's face."

I shuddered, eyes fixed at my shoes. Then I stood up and grabbed my sword. Schuldig stopped smoking, looking at me intently.

"Lead the way," I told him coldly.

He threw his cigarette away. "You go first. I'll tell you the direction when I decide."

Maybe he still wasn't sure I won't pick the choice number three because I wasn't sure either. But within the first steps I realized with a sudden certainty that there was no way back.

The march through the city felt unreal. The people I passed seemed like ghosts to me. The only presence I sensed sharply was the one behind my back, burning me like fire.

"Him," he said suddenly, sending a mental picture to my mind.

I realized we were going next to the park I had once been with Yoji. A man was sitting on a bench, looking at the sky, evidently enjoying a warm, pleasant night. He was holding a can, sipping from it from time to time, but he wasn't drunk.

I went closer to him, moving on autopilot. He spotted us, his eyes stuck on my sword for a while, before moving to my face. I could see a light frown on his face, sense his sudden unease.

For one crazy second it felt almost right to destroy his contentment, to introduce him into my world. I felt sick immediately after it.

It's just a target, just another mission…

But I knew better. There was a line between what I had done up to now and between what I was going to do.

The man stood up, half turning away. I attacked quickly, without thinking closed the gap between us before he could escape. The blade cut the skin on his throat...

A body knocked me down on the pavement. I fought back wildly. Schuldig gripped my hands, stilling me. Over his shoulder I could see that the man wiped away the blood from his neck with an empty expression. It was just a scratch.

"You sick bastard," I struggled for air, feeling ill and dizzy. "Why did you stop me?"

"No need to kill him, just the fact you would do it, it's enough," there was a strange tone his voice, which confused me even more.

"Enough for what?" I gritted out, trying to calm down but without any success.

"You were thinking so lowly about Schwarz," he hissed angrily, "still comparing us to your noble team. Now you have to face the truth."

I was trembling from shock and rage. Schuldig's body felt heavy upon mine, his hand gripping me with a bruising strength.

"There's no difference between you and us," he said coldly.

I just stared at him. He had played with me as usual, without any real intention to wake her up, just to show me what I was capable of.

I had never hated anybody more. Not even Takatori.

His weight disappeared from me.

I didn't look at him, feeling numb and exhausted. When I finally looked up he was already gone. Just the man I had almost killed was sitting on the bench and sipping from his can like nothing had happened.

I turned away and threw up. I didn't understand why everything became so blurry until I realized I was crying.

* * *

Something impeded me from opening the door. A body. Cursing I pushed again and this time I got in.

It was Yoji.

I knelt down quickly, turning him around so I could see his face. He mumbled something and I sagged with relieve, hand across my mouth dimmed a sob.

He was just drunk. Not dead.

I shook my head almost laughing. Stupid Kudou.

With a grunt I lifted him up in my arms, heading to his room. When I finally got there, I lowered him carefully on his bed and took his shoes off. I felt too tired to think about anything so I just covered him with a blanked and sank into the armchair. My eyes closed.

* * *

Again in that darkness, with the wall separating us. She didn't hear me even though I called her name desperately.

A blur of orange announced a new presence. She looked up at him and smiled.

"Schuldig."

I felt like throwing up again.

"Ah, so happy to see me?" he said without his usual playfulness.

Aya seemed to be taken aback by his expression, tilting her head to the side. "What's happened?"

He stretched his hand to her. "Come."

She hesitated. "It's time to go?"

"I don't care if it's or isn't. This is the last chance I'm giving you."

"Why?" she asked, standing up.

"Because in the end, there is only a limited number of choices you can make."

"I don't understand you."

"Of course," he smirked. "I'm getting bored with it. Let's end it."

She touched his hand and then there was light everywhere.

_To Be Continued…_


	11. Chapter 11

_My eternal t__hanks to __Nonasuki-chan for beta and valuable comments.

* * *

_

**Chapter 11**

I woke up. The room was dark. Only the red numbers on an alarm clock glowed. Someone breathed not so far from me and that brought me back to the reality more quickly than anything else.

I got up and left him quietly. In my room I changed from the mission gear and curled on my bed trying not to think, but without any success. The yesterday's whole encounter replayed in my mind again and again as I burrowed my face into a pillow, my hands trembling. It took me a long time to calm down. Pale light from outside slowly filled the room. When I finally got up my eyes fell upon the katana in the corner and I reached for it without thinking. With a surprisingly steady hand I drew it out, studying the red stains upon the smooth surface. It would be appropriate to end it here, with this weapon. My teammates would take care of Aya-chan. She certainly didn't need a brother like me.

I let the blade to cut the skin on my arm, watching in fascination as the scratch slowly reddened with blood. It would be so easy to do it and that pain couldn't be worse than the pain I was already in.

The memory of green eyes flashed through my mind followed by Omi's face. His words… I didn't want to think about them. It was stupid to get emotionally attached to the people like us but still... I shook my head before sheathing the blade. I had made enough mistakes and this was a cowardly and selfish way to get out of it. There were still people who would be hurt if I died.

Opening a wardrobe, I took out the T-shirt and trousers that were on the top and prepared for a day.

* * *

Yoji was late, not that I was surprised. I would be amazed if he came on time after yesterday night.

He showed up at the end of a lunch break. I was sitting at the table, sipping my tea when I heard him came down. He stopped in the doorway for a while and frowned before dismissing me and heading for coffee. He was pale and looked tired and annoyed. Hangover could be nasty.

I waited until he finished a cup and turned to me, clearly waiting for my comments.

"You shouldn't drink so much," I said quietly.

Yoji just snarled, putting the cup on the table so violently that it was a miracle it remained in one piece.

"Like you care. It's none of your business, Fujimiya, so bug off."

He turned away, intending to go to the shop and avoid one of my lectures.

"But I do," I said vehemently, before I had time to consider what I was saying. He stopped in a midway, still with his back to me, but he turned his head in my direction.

A tense silence ensued, with him waiting for me to finish and with me unsure how to continue. I struggled with myself, the mask I wore so long was hard to take down. At least I sighed, watching that stilled form in front of me. Omi was right. I caused them too much pain.

"I do care," I finished quietly, part of me reeling at the words while the rest of me felt relieved that I was able to say them.

Yoji turned to me, jade eyes wide in surprise before his expression softened.

"Aya…"

A ring interrupted him and I shifted my gaze from him to the door where stood Omi, half-covered behind the doorframe, staring at us.

"I'll take it," he waved at us furiously and disappeared.

What was he doing here so soon?

"Aya," said Yoji again and I looked at him. His eyes studied my face, searching. His expression became more serious and I had to wonder if he guessed that something had happened. He seemed to hesitate, opening his mouth to ask me …

"Aya!" Omi called from the shop.

"What?" I snapped.

"It's Manx," he said, coming to the doorway. The blue eyes were serious. "She said it's important."

I snarled and headed for the phone. Yoji's steps followed me.

I took the receiver, trying to stay calm. It was unusual for her to call in this way. "I'm here."

"Congratulations," said Manx from the other side, her voice composed without any hint of emotion. "Your sister has woken up."

* * *

She was smiling at me, her hand squeezing lightly mine. Her voice was unsure and quiet but I knew she'd be alright.

Still I couldn't smile at her.

"Ran?"

_…There's no difference between you and us…_

Her eyes were now filled with worry.

"Are you alright?"

"Aa," I answered, trying to look more relaxed.

Starting to lie to her already?

I stroked her hair, so soft under my hand and she turned her head into the caress.

A knock at the door before Yoji peeped inside.

"Come in," I said.

He did, holding a bunch of flowers. He must have bought it in one of the small shops nearby. He had insisted on driving me here and I had barely allowed him to grab his keys before leaving.

"Hi, Aya-chan. My name's Kudou Yoji and I'm your brother's friend," he smiled, putting the flowers on the bed.

"Nice to meet you, Kudou-san," murmured Aya, blushing a little.

"Please, call me Yoji."

He had better not be flirting with her.

The door opened again. This time Tanaka-sensei entered. "I'm sorry to interrupt you, but Fujimiya-san needs to rest. You can visit her tomorrow."

I nodded and kissed Aya-chan on her cheek, promising to come again tomorrow. Yoji waved and we followed the doctor out of the room.

"Please come with me to the office," he said once we were in a hall.

I nodded and followed him before realizing that Yoji hadn't moved. Looking at him, I lifted my eyebrow in a silent question.

He shrugged. "I thought that maybe I should wait here," he said casually.

I frowned. It was a long night and day and I was tired. "There is no reason you shouldn't come with me."

"Okay," he agreed easily.

The doctor waited for us before a door, brown eyes curious as he gestured to us to enter. He closed the door behind us, crossed the room and sat down behind a desk, indicating for us to take seats.

"Fujimiya-san," he said. "I'm delighted to inform you that your sister has no brain damage."

Yoji looked confused. "There were doubts about it?"

"In case of coma we can never be sure."

I hadn't allowed myself to think about this before and now I sagged with relieve. The doctor continued. "Of course, she will need physical therapy and…"

I tried to focus and listen because it was all important but it was a hard thing to do. Too many things had happened in a short time and stress and fatigue began to get me.

Finally the doctor finished and Yoji leaned back in his chair. "Well, I can say I was surprised that she wasn't confused at all, considering that she's woken up just half an hour ago."

The doctor blinked. "She woke up several hours before."

I immediately tensed, eyes fixing on his face. "And why didn't you tell me this earlier?" I asked flatly and felt that Yoji moved in his seat uneasily. The doctor now looked flustered. "We called the number we were supposed to dial in the case of emergency. They said that they would let you know."

Kritiker again.

"So when did she wake up?" Yoji asked, trying to ease the mood. The doctor looked into the folder, probably glad he had an excuse to lower his eyes.

"3:15 a.m."

A soft breath escaped my lips.

"Well, I apologize if we contacted the wrong person," he closed his paper, looking at me. "I'll take care that your number will be the first to call in the future."

Red numbers glowing in the dark.

"The first and only one if possible," said Yoji sarcastically.

That dream…

"Of course," he stood up and Yoji followed his example. I slowly got to the feet, looking blankly at the doctor without really seeing him. "If you have any questions concerning the therapy don't hesitate to ask," he told me.

…wasn't just a dream.

I nodded, trying to keep my face impassive. I couldn't let them know… There were probably cameras… We exchanged greetings and I followed Yoji out, moving on autopilot. Yoji looked at me, his lips tightened but he didn't say anything. Damn, I needed to get a grip.

In a lift I noticed that my hands beginning to shake so I clenched them into fists.

I didn't remember how I got into the car, but once inside I started to tremble uncontrollably. Yoji remained silent, his attention focused on driving. I didn't care where we were going as long as it was further from hospital.

At some point of time we had stopped. When I opened my eyes the car wasn't moving and Yoji was turned on his seat, watching me intently. I avoided his eyes and looked around. The place wasn't familiar but it didn't really matter. All what I felt was just mild relieve that I had more time before returning to the shop.

"We are going into that café," said Yoji, drawing my attention back to him. He pointed at a building in front of us, his eyes never leaving my face, lips set in a firm line. "And we are going to talk."

In that calm voice was a firm order and I stared at him before nodding. There wasn't enough energy left in me to argue with him. Besides, I had promised him this.

We got out of the car and I focused on getting my breath under control, placing the usual stoic expression upon my face.

Yoji was the first to enter the café and I closely followed him before stopping in the doorway. The room wasn't crowded but there were still too many people. My lips curved in distaste. No way was I going to talk about it in a place like that. I turned to give Yoji my opinion on this matter but he was already heading to a counter.

I glared after him before moving from the door. Even though I didn't see his face, I could imagine his expression quite clearly because a girl behind the counter blushed and smiled at him. I resisted the urge to snarl. Trust him to flirt with a girl. As I closed the distance, she slightly bowed and murmured: "If you follow me…"

Yoji smiled and nodded at me. We were showed into a small separated room with one table and a window.

Yoji thanked her and ordered coffee, chocolate and water. She left, closing the door behind her with a soft thud.

He rested his hands on the table. "The chocolate is for you," he commented. "I don't think you need coffee right now."

I just slightly snorted, focusing my attention on a busy street behind the glass. He didn't say anything else and the silence was uninterrupted until the drinks were delivered and the door closed again.

Holding the cup in my hand, I contemplated the dark liquid.

"Drink it," he ordered quietly. I was about to snap back when I noticed the underlying tension in his posture.

So I just scowled and brought the cup to my lips. It was sweet and hot and filled me with warmth. I slowly began to relax.

Yoji waited until I finished it and then pushed the water in my direction. I took it more to have something in my hand than to drink it.

"So…" He leaned back in his chair, the expression on his face uncompromising. "Start from that mission in the factory."

I talked quietly without any interruption while Yoji smoked like a chimney. My eyes began to sting but I chose to ignore it, glad that he remained silent – it was hard enough as it was. That lasted only until I got to the more recent events.

"He wanted _what_?!" his voice raised and I scowled at him, refusing to repeat it.

"Shit," he murmured, his hand ran over his face while the other grounded the cigarette viciously into ashtray. "That son of a bitch." Then his eyes lifted, hurt and angry. "Why didn't you tell me?"

I stared back at him, trying to keep my face expressionless.

"I told you that you can trust me," he continued, voice rough. "But you didn't."

"I did," I disagreed calmly.

"Like hell you did," his fist slammed into the table suddenly, startling me. My eyes quickly shifted from his hand back to his face. We stared at each other, sounds of traffic and buzz from the other room filling the silence. His anger seemed to diminish a little, changing to cold hurt. "If you did, you would tell me," he said quietly.

I looked away, fingers clenching around the still full glass. If there was a moment when I was about to loose his friendship, this was it. A chill ran through my body as I slowly looked back. There was still part of me which thought that it would be better for him, that I didn't deserve…

"I didn't want to take you down with me," I murmured.

He stiffened in shock before his shoulders relaxed. In the next minute his arm launched forward, grabbing my T-shirt and he pulled me roughly forward, so I was half standing. "You stupid idiot," he snarled, anger back in full force. "If you have such serious problem in the future, you'll tell me or I'll kick your sorry ass."

I grumbled and freed myself from his grip. Yoji fumed, glaring at me little longer before snatching another cigarette. I secretly hoped that he would run out of them soon.

He focused on lighting it and then looked out of the window, avoiding my gaze. I decided not to tell him about my talk with Ken – no need to get the blonde angry at him as well.

"So," I said, trying hard to keep all emotion deep inside me, "I guess you know what I chose."

His eyes returned to my face, more troubled than angry, and I stilled, searching for the traces of contempt I knew he must feel for me.

"Aya," he said heavily, "what are you planning to do now that your sister is awake?"

I didn't answer him and his expression hardened again. "You don't want to jump out of a window or anything like that, do you? There was no special reason to behave the way you did today, right?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," I frowned, feeling slightly confused. Sure, my behaviour was unusual but so were the circumstances.

"You invited me to the consultation with Tanaka-sensei," he answered, his voice harsh. "You said you actually _care_."

My eyes narrowed. Although I understood why he had this suspicion it still pissed me off.

"No," I growled, "I have no intention to kill myself."

The firm set of his lips softened a little as he leaned back in his chair. "Thank God," he mumbled.

He didn't react in the way he should and that mystified me. I _hated_ that feeling.

"Don't you get it, Yoji?" I snapped before lowering my voice. "I agreed to a murder."

"That's the bastard's fault…"

"No," I cut in, all my patience left. "It was my choice. He didn't force me into it…"

"Shut up," Yoji gritted, interrupting me harshly. "First he told you that Aya-chan was dying and then…" The blond fell quiet for a while, obviously trying to regain his composure, as he rubbed his temples. "Some choices should never be made," he said finally, still frowning. "And there is no excuse for those who offered them."

Folding my arms across my chest, I gave him one of my best glares. "As there is no excuse for those who accepted them," I stated, not interested in seeking excuses.

He lowered his eyes first. Yoji wasn't stupid, he had to know that there is no way to blame all of this only on Schuldig. Maybe he was just careful not to trigger my possible suicide tendencies. I just snorted, suddenly feeling tired again. There was no point to prolong the talk.

"I didn't kill him."

"Who?" he asked, looking as weary as I felt.

"That person he'd chosen. Schuldig stopped me." I broke off, frowning as for the first time I contemplated this new fact. "And then he woke her up."

His eyes bore into mine. "How can you know that it was him?"

"I had a dream again," I found the glass in my hand fascinating suddenly. "He was there and told her to go with him. When I woke up… it was the same time she woke up."

Yoji took a deep breath and when I looked at him, his eyes were narrowed and contemplating. Suddenly he stood up, taking the package of cigarettes and the lighter from the table and placed them to his pocket. "We're leaving," he said curtly and I nodded. Fresh air would be nice.

Once outside the room, Yoji just stopped to pay, omitting even to flirt with the girl again. He didn't say anything until we reached the car. A soft touch of his hand on my arm brought me still and I looked at him questionably.

"I have those guns," he said, his voice barely a whisper but we stood close together so I heard him clearly. "But this is not a good time to bring their attention to us. You're already under suspicion."

I nodded, following absently the notion of his hand, as he raked it through his hair. "Aya don't tell anyone about those dreams, not even to Omi and Ken," he continued seriously. "And…" his voice become rough again, "stay away from that bastard. I don't know what he wants but it's nothing good. You don't owe him anything."

He turned to open car doors, his expression still tired and serious and I felt a pang of guilt which I quickly suppressed. If he wanted to get involved, it was his choice.

When we returned, the shop was closed and Omi waited for us. "Manx's here," he informed us, offering us a smile before heading to the mission room. There was something… I looked at Yoji who slightly nodded. Even though Omi seemingly behaved as usual, I got the feeling that he was disturbed by something.

I followed him, Yoji behind me, before stopping in the middle of the stairs as I spotted a stranger standing next to Manx. The man was tall, dressed in a dark trousers and dark-green shirt. Straight black hair was swept back in a ponytail, his face impassive as he observed me.

Yoji poked me in the back so I continued down the stairs, glancing around the room. Omi waited patiently while Ken didn't bother to greet us, sprawled at the chair, his eyes never leaving the stranger. At that moment he seemed to me more like the creature he had his codename after, relaxed yet dangerous, as if he was contemplating whether to kill his prey straight away of whether to play with it before. It almost made me smile.

I leaned against the wall, waiting.

"Now, Manx, would you be so kind and introduced us?" Yoji drawled, standing next to me. He also wasn't in a good mood.

"This is Brent," said Manx curtly. "He will be the mediator between you and Kritiker from now."

No one moved as we processed the new information.

"Why?" It was Omi who finally voiced the question. The kid looked displeased.

"I have work somewhere else," said Manx before moving to the door. "Good luck." She left without a backward glance and I turned to inspect the man more closely.

I met the green eyes and one thing became clear to me. I didn't like him.

_To Be Continued…_


End file.
